bery much da crap.

i'm ruined. 
i wonder how long this has been going on.
so i have an account on this online dating site that began during a time i had a boyfriend.  but it's not what you think.  someone commissioned me, sans pay, to write articles for them.  so i did - very crappity crap crap articles about anything that tickled my fancy (and oh what a big fancy it is).  to this day, i have never initiated contact with folks on it.  i'm very much the voyeur and the site is my solution to boredom.  today was one of those days....worktime boredom.  so i'm doing my voyeur thing at this section called "top members" and i'm not sure what makes someone a "top member" but it's a sidebar that lists 5 of the male and female members of the week....scroll down...."click here for more top members."...click..."top members of the week" and "top members overall."  browsing the top members overall....scroll down...."oh shit...i know that girl!  what a loser!"....2 seconds pass....face contorts into an expression of extreme realization...... "very much da crap"......"that's me."

an-grr at english

reasons to be infuriated by the english language...
1. "palindrome" is not spelled the same backwards and forwards?
2. "lisp" is a word that cannot be said by those afflicted with a lisp without the affliction being obvious?  (isn't this a bit cruel?)

jen, housewife, extraordinaire

i've realized that i'd make a really good housewife.
i get a deep satisfaction from cleaning house, doing laundry, cooking/baking and finishing dishes, running down a list of errands, grocery shopping, and the like.
now i just need to find a company that is hiring for the position of "housewife."

i am the excite!

i am the excite!
in my photo class, we are expected to
produce a self portrait for each shoot
which should follow the parameters of the assignment.
apparently, our instructor places alot of weight on the self portraits.
i don't believe the other photo classes are required to
shoot self portraits at all.
so he says to me, he says that i am the
best self-portrait photographer in our class by far.
i am the excite!

oktoberfest 05

oktoberfest 05.  a late post.
i met up with these hosers from back in the day.
"back in the day" meaning college.


general merrymaking.

this is why i need a chaperone when i drink.

i turn into the hobbit king.

I am so sick of getting stupid emails. 
Today, I got one of those stupid emails.
So I replied to him with my own special offer.
Should you wish to read the reply, scroll past the original email.


--- Colin Stover <Ytomvo@optonline.net> wrote:

> Sir/Madam,
> Your current case has been presented to the
> obligatory agencies, and upon vigilant
> forethought, we are able to tender to you the
> following opportunity.
>
> Based upon vigilant forethought you make the
> grade to collect a openhanded rield on your
> initial property investment.
>
> By completing the following attached form in a
> timely manner we will be able to tie up our
> review, and we feel certain you will collect
> not only a decreased rate of interest, but also
> a cash return that will accomplish all your
> holiday needs and more!
>
> Please go here to tie up this step of the
> settlement.
>
> Wishing you all the best over the holiday
> period,
>
> Colin Stover
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Should you prefer not to benefit of this
> holiday opportunity you can go here.
>

Dear Mr. Stover,

Congratulations, you have been selected to
receive poop.  To participate in this amazing
opportunity, please call me at 1-800-CALL-POOP.

Sincerely,
Poop Management

Should you prefer not to benefit of this poop opportunity you can go to hell.

---------------------
my email got bounced back to me.

a bit on professionalism

as a new employee (at 4 months), these folks are demanding a photo of me to put in the newsletter.  the only one i had that wasn't of a hand on my boobies and that was recent was the one i use for myspace and friendster.

i don't know how professional this is.  it also makes me look like a slob (notice background).

________________

virtual sexiness

my stepdad (in conjunction with me moms, methinks) bought me an early birthday/christmas present....a laptop!  now i no longer need to use my desktop from 1998 that takes 15 minutes just to turn on and another 15 to run word. 
and it's pretty sexy.....and (ready for this?) it's got wifi.....i think i wet my pants.
luckily, i've been able to connect to an unsecure line from all the places i've been to.  unfortunately, that means i can't make any transactions from it or download porn.  AND, i run the risk of having someone go through my email, which i know is tempting because i'm jenpark, onlychild, extraordinaire.

someone tell me why it's so hard to find a laptop carrying case that (1) fits a 17' screen and (2) is not black or, if it is black is unique enough to tickly my fancy and oh, what a big fancy it is to find tickling for it. 

i'm planning on hitting up the mom 'n pops coffeeshop circuit again with my laptop in ....lap.  i can't wait for some serious overcaffeination. 

now i just need to figure out how to use it.

verbal agenda

words to use in poetry, article, or whatever it is i'm writing (to date):

crumb - ex. "he thought he was a manly man.  but he was a peon with a crumb of a penis." (that's right, folks.  i went there.  i went there, took photos, and bought souvenirs.)
punctuated - ex. "...his night of  watching 24 hour home shopping network, punctuated only by his visits to the bathroom..."
grab bag - thanks to the weekend's "get fuzzy" comic for this example, "wow, when you're stupid, tivo is a potpourrific grab bag of fun!"

----------------------------------------

a story on maturity

my friend posted this on my myspace:

i was sad
because my myspace is very cool.
tubular, in fact.



but i did the mature thing. ...
...i altered it and posted this on his:

i've been sitting in my room all weekend and thinking about what i've done.

summation...

i went out to taco tuesday with my roomie, abby last night.
the conversation can best be summed up by these two lines:
abby: i got an assload!
jen: i never get an assload.  ... i want an assload. 

road trip

road tripped it to northern cali - union city, san jose, san francisco.
so my pal frank says to me, he says (and i'm paraphrasing here),
frank: we're going to a club on saturday night.
me: what's the dress?
frank: upscale.  think miami.

so i'm thinking, ok.  we're not talking the black pants clubbing uniform.  so i take my standard-issue hoochie fairy dress and one of the tallest heels i have.  so saturday night arrives and frank, "the boys" from "the house," and the kim-jen team get to studio 8. girls are wearing the standard black-pants-some-top club uniform.  i stick out uniformally (which doesn't bother me much) and vertically (this bothers me more) and am feeling awkward.  the only remedy i can conjure is some hen-rock.  it was nice to have "the boys" from "the house" pay for my drinks.  i'm very thankful.  frank, if you're reading this, remind me to send you and angel something....perhaps some more puppies tattoos.  i went up for a round of hen-rock myself to the bartender and as i placed my credit card down to pay for the thing, the bartender waved me off.  free drink (score!).  i would have left a fatticus tip but i didn't have any cash, which is why i was attempting to pay by card in the first place.  so...to the bartender, thanks...and i'm sorry i couldn't leave a tip.  someone tell me what you're supposed to do in that situation?

i ended up taking about 2 photos of the entire trip, though many situations warranted the ol di-ka. 

thank you to kim for playing mad libs with me for the 7 hour ride to and back. 
thank you to frank for lettins us crash and being out point-man for transportation.
thank you to angel for putting up with my frito-lay hijinks. 
thank you to mr. and mrs. mak for putting up with our taking-up-spaceness and for the fodder.
thank you to the bartender for hooking a girl up with free hen-rock.
thank you to hen-rock, my good and trusty companion.
thank you to dandiggity for attempting to reconnect.  you smell like peanuts.
thank you to sj for the same.
thank you to bart.  i love you.  thanks for not mentioning the line of drool that hung from my mouth as i fell asleep on the way to san fran.

my friend, kim, and i are road tripping to northern cali.
would anyone up there be willing to shelter a beautiful girl
and her friend, kim, for this weekend or any part thereof?
*insert emoticon to offset ego here*